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Dr. Monica’s favorite steps to Self Love!
If I were to ask you to list all the thing you love, how long would it take you to list yourself?
I was inspired to chat with you about Self Love after a pretty wild year last year. In 2019, I created every excuse in the book to avoid self love – “I’m too busy”, “I have more important things to do” or “I don’t need that.” Needless to say, I was seriously lacking self love.
One day, I was listening to a podcast and heard a fellow chiropractor say, “if I were to ask you to list all the things you love, how long would it take you to list yourself?”
That hit me like a ton of bricks. Not because I was far down on the list, but because I wasn’t on it AT ALL! This triggered a massive transformation in my mindset and life to intentionally pour into myself more- filling my cup, my heart and soul.
This transformation has allowed me to do all the things that are most important to me with more energy, abundance and joy! I will be sharing the steps I took, so you can fill your cup this year!
What do you mean by Self Love?
If you’re anything like me, you may be wondering, what do you mean by self love? That sounds super selfish, self absorbed, or even narcissistic.
The true definition of self love is “having a high regard for one’s wellbeing and happiness“. When it’s worded that way, self love becomes a basic human necessity (because it is)!
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball
How do you know if you need more Self Love in your life?
These are things I experienced and some common things you may be experiencing if you’re lacking self love….
- Constantly seeking attention, affection or affirmation from others
- Poor eating habits and patterns
- Anxious all the time
- Fearful of making mistakes
- Hiding behind a mask or never allowing your true self to shine
- Perfectionism
- Feeling misunderstood or not heard
- Struggling to communicate
- Holding in your feelings
- Feeling overwhelmed and stressed
- Feeling stuck or lost in relationships
- Feeling guilty when you’re not doing something productive
- Not making time for fun
- Doubting yourself or playing small
- Comparing yourself to others or judging yourself harshly
- Letting fear and anxiety drive your choices
- Pressuring yourself to always do more and be more, instead of celebrating what you’ve done
This is not a comprehensive list, but I encourage you to take a moment to check in with yourself. Do any of these ring true for you?
I didn’t realize how much anxiety, perfectionism, doubt and the comparison game ruled my life. I had to really sit with it, stare those life-suckers in the face and learn how to move past it.
This is why self love is so important. I knew I didn’t want to live with those feelings and symptoms every single day. Lacking self love impacted my health choices, behaviors and self esteem. I felt out of control and disconnected from the life I was living.
Once I started carving out dedicated time for some self love, I start to feel physically better. My outlook on life shifted. I was making better health choices and doing things out of love not punishment. Everything in my life seemed to improve slowly but steadily. The more I poured in to myself, the more I saw improve in return.
Steps to Self Love
Self love does not need to be complicated, expensive or time consuming.
Some of my favorite self love activities revolve around five categories: thoughts, actions, touch, gifts and quality time.
Thoughts
Practicing gratitude is a great one to start with. Every morning list 3-5 things you are grateful for. Each day, try to list something different from the day(s) before.
If you’ve never practiced this, it may seem challenging at first. If you’re still struggling to come up with items, think of the little things that are easy to overlook every single day. Did you have a bed to sleep in last night? Clean running water? Food to eat? Hey, you woke up this morning!
Some other great ones for thoughts are affirmation cards, practicing positive self talk and meditation.
Actions
My all-time favorites are investing in a solid therapy session and getting adjusted.
There are so many styles of therapy out there so it may take time to find one that jives with you. Once you do, you’ll realize how freeing and life altering it can be to talk opening in such a safe space.
Chiropractic adjustments get my body and nervous system out of the pattern of stress. When my body is able to be calm, my mind can be calm. When all is calm, everything can work together in harmony and I feel completely at ease.
Some other options are delegating tasks you have, decluttering your space and getting outside in nature.
Touch
This was one of the first self-love practices I started with (outside of getting adjusted). I started pampering myself daily with a great skin care regimen. Just taking an extra 5 minutes in the morning and evening to care for your body is so revitalizing.
Some other great options are getting a massage, acupuncture, wearing your favorite comfy clothes or stretching.
Gifts
Personally, this one was super hard for me. I love giving gifts and treating others, but I am the worst at treating myself to things I need or want. I am also a big to-do list maker. I decided the best thing I could do for myself was mesh those two worlds together.
Each month, I set micro-goals—little things I know I can achieve easily. As well as big goals that I can achieve if I put in some serious effort. When I achieve a goal, I treat myself to something. It could be a coffee, new lipstick, concert tickets or even a nice meal. This has helped me ease into celebrating and rewarding myself.
Do you acknowledge your victories, achievements and goals that you’ve accomplished? Or do you achieve your goal then ask yourself “what’s next”? If you don’t celebrate all that you’ve accomplished, you’re going to find yourself on a one-way trip to burn out town. Start this and it will be a massive game-changer for you.
Some other options for this are investing in something you’re working towards such as buying a new car or a downpayment on a house; or doing something you’ve always wanted to do – complete that bucket list item!
Last but not least, Quality Time (aka Being Present)
The best self-love item for this is setting boundaries. My biggest boundary being phone and laptop use at home. I realized that instead of spending quality time with my fiancé and puppy, I was wasting precious time scrolling through Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest.
My boundary that I set was when I could/couldn’t use my phone and laptop. My no-phone-zone starts at 7pm each night. When I get home from work, my phone gets plugged in, set on my nightstand and forgotten. This has been the most freeing action. My mind is clearer, I sleep better and my relationships are stronger because of this simple boundary.
Some other ways are to make time for the hobbies you love, go to bed early or even sleep in when you can!
Self Love Check Points
To wrap this up, make sure you’re being honest with yourself and checking in. Here are some excellent self love touch points to make each day:
- What is the most loving thing you’ve done for yourself today?
- Do you have any needs that aren’t being met?
- If you’re feeling down on yourself, what are 10 things you are good at?
- What is a simple thing you can do today to make this lasting movement in your life?
Find a way that means the most to you—self love looks very different for each person. Explore ways that are meaningful for you.
If your self-love tasks are draining, feel forced or don’t excite you—it’s time to switch it up. You should look forward to this every day and week.
Remember: “Self love will HEAL YOU, EMPOWER YOU, REVIVE YOU and bring the best VERSIONS OF YOURSELF OUT!”